I wasn't spawned from a computer, just raised by one.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

You May Call Me HOUSE! (aka. How Eli Roth Saved My B.F.F.'s Foot)

Everyone who has ever had a roommate please raise your hand? Got that, we good? Okay. Keep'em nice and high, where I can see'em. Now, everyone keep your hand up if you have had a roommate who you correctly diagnosed with a flesh eating bacteria? Take a moment. Is it just me now, am I the only one? Frick yeah!

So my roommate has been having some extremely off the wall medical issues lately. Over the last few months she has bounced from one ridiculously unlikely issue to another. At one point her nose kinda sorta exploded a little bit, but as I'm sure all would agree even the slightest nose explosion is not to be taken lightly. This largely was assumed to be the result of either a spider bite, a bad reaction to my dog pulling her nose ring out, and then finally attributed to staff. She's also been bouncing from kidney infection to possible kidney stones. She also has a still seeming unrelated bad back. All very weird for a 19 year old girl. This is the point in the story where I start to gleefully refer to her as grandma in passing conversation.

Grandma, or as all the cool kids are sayin' G'ma, soon developed a new symptom: weird ass looking toes. Now G'ma's toes have alway been a bit funky (being webbed and all - I'm not joking, that's not funny, stop laughing) but they began to turn red, and then kinda brownish and then it would go away for a while, and then boom, it'd be back.

I told her, on more than one occasion, that she should get that checked. I also told her, on more than one occasion, that I was pretty sure that she had Cabin Fever* and that her feet bes' be backin' the hella up off my shiz.** She ignored me on both counts.

But guess what? Seems someone (Grandma) has cellulitis. In truth, all these weird little infections are probably related to that initial one, that never got treated correctly and has now gone into her bloodstream and is manifesting in strange and disgusting ways - like flesh eating bacteria.

Okay. So cellulitis is not technically a flesh eating bacteria, but it in fact can become one if not treated, and it is contagious through direct contact. So there. Close enough. If she had just listened to me and tried to shave her foot she would have known this forever ago.

And Mom said horror movies were useless. Pshh.

Diagnosis: Mom's are NOT always right, my opinions just may save your life, and finally, I'm awesome.


*as in the movie, not how I felt after I beat all my video games over summer vacation every year.

**I have extremely sensitive skin, if I think you're bringing flesh eating bacteria around my biz, things are gonna get realz fast.


  1. i can't believe you call her g'ma. she wasn't losing her teeth... also. i hate feet. toes are on feet. well. in this case, they may have fallen off, so idk if i'd still have an aversion to g'mas feet.

  2. Gross. Also, I must be coo' b/c I call my gramma Gma.

  3. whoa. you just blew my mind. you're writing rambling is flippin awesome. keep going.

  4. Dude. That's weird.

    "Tried to shave her foot"??? Spelling error or does she have hairy feet?


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