I wasn't spawned from a computer, just raised by one.



Thursday, August 27, 2009

Looking Through The Other Side of Up

I haven't been on much in the last few days, but to check up on things. Unpacking some old boxes I came across a couple would-be journal entries I made earlier this year.

I assume that most of you are bloggers; you are journal writers by heart. Isn't it interesting to be able to travel back, sometimes not even that far, to glimpse what your thoughts were at some, now indiscernible, moment lost to time except by your own account, through your own perception?

I think so.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

The other day I awoke to find my morning routine hijacked by one Sid Kane.

She offered to give me a free ride on her crazy train headed directly for "World Domination".

I did not laugh as she accused. Or snarf coffee for that matter. Mostly, because I hate coffee. If it's not in it's ice cream form I simply will not touch it. I am much more the tea drinker as the picture below clearly illustrates:

The horrors that years of hard internet abuse can inflict upon the complexion. And to think this is my senior photo.

I was intrigued. Mostly because of the perks, but nonetheless. If you seriously want my cooperation, Ms. Kane, we have some renegotiating to do. I am a highly sought after henchwoman, after all.

You offered me my own personal Caribbean island. Not bad, but as you could probably ascertain by my screen name I am of Irish descent. If you need a visual, here is a picture of me in Italy... after one day:

I would show you Day 2, but by that time I had disintegrated into a pile of molten ash.


So instead I would like the far more temperate [read: whitie friendly] Canary Islands:


All of them. Pre de-touristed, if you please. I will also need a copy of Rosetta Stone in Spanish, please and thank you.

As to your other promises, the cute men feeding me grapes can stay, I guess.

Also, I don't drink, but I will be needing those cute little umbrellas and some of those plastic swords if you can scare any up.

Always know your worth. ;)

That will be all. For now.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

My Mother...

She's coming to Tampa today to help me finish cleaning out the apartment since my lease is up on the 31st.

This was the closing to an actual conversation with my maternal figure:

Mom: I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.

Me: I love you, too, Mom.

Mom: Is Megan [my roommate] there?

Me: Nope.

Mom: So you're at the house by yourself?

Me: Yep. [Note the monosyllabism. I'm distracted by soup.]

Mom: You feel safe there by yourself?

Me: Sure.

Mom: That's good. (pause) Did you hear about that guy that was murdered?

Me: What?

Mom: Up by the campus. These two guys were stopped by another man who pulled a gun on them and when one of them ran he shot the other one and robbed him.

Me: No, I hadn't heard.

Mom: It was in the newspaper. It happened right by the campus. Not too far from where you are. I'm surprised you didn't hear.

Me: Is the man alright?

Mom: No. He's dead. He didn't shoot the guy who ran. Just the one who stood there. Sort of silly since the other guy had a good description of the robber.

Me: (deciding not to comment on my mother's definition of the word "silly") Oh. So they've caught him?

Mom: No. He's still out there. (another pause) This is why you should have your puppies there with you. To wake you up.

Me: Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

Mom: See you tomorrow. I love you.

Me: I love you, too. Bye.

Mom: Okay, I love you. Be safe.

Me: I will.

Mom: Get some sleep. I love you.

Me: I love you, too, Mom.

Friday, August 21, 2009

It Came from Outerspace...

It was a plan.

It was the ninth of its kind.

They should have kept thinking.



Tonight - by this time yesterday - I went to see Rifftrax Live: Plan 9 From Outerspace. It was UHH-mazing. It was a lot of fun to see it on the big screen, surrounded by the laughter of complete strangers. There was even a zombie sing-a-long before the feature film, truly awful stuff that. I love seeing movies like this in the theatre, where the laughter gets that really wonderful, infectious quality. You know? Somethings are just funnier in large groups.

Not that there isn't something to be said for watching a beloved film with a couple close friends. I like to gauge people's reactions to things, see if they find the same things as amusing as me. I love to watch a movie and then show it to someone, I spend more time watching them out of the corner of my eye then the movie at that point.

But I digress...



It was great to see the old Mystery Science Theatre 3000 gang. Even if I felt a little odd seeing Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy instead of their respective robot counterparts, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo. I worshipped this show when I was a kid.

Back when it was on Sci-Fi. Back when Sci-Fi had good programming. Back when it actually was "Sci-Fi".

Um...what was I saying?

Oh yes, great time at the movies. Forgive the rambles. I realize they mean nothing to the four people who read this.

And Wendiwinn. As far as I can tell she's a lactose intolerant rooster who's fond of cheese, wearing large fake mustaches, and quite ambiguously, liking "stuff".

Onward!

I have an audition tomorrow to become a member of the "Scare Squad" for Howl-O-Scream '09 at Busch Gardens in Tampa. Please wish me luck. I think it would be a lot of fun if I could get through the audition intact. I'm very nervous.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

10 Things That I Learned From District 9 That I Pretty Much Knew Already Or Would Have At Least Guessed At...


1. Smiles are cheaper than bullets.

2. Paper mache equals love.

3. Do not touch cylindrical objects that belong to aliens unless you want the shiz-esque substance to hit the fan your face.


4. Cat food is gross.

5. In-laws are evil.

6. So are big corporations. (Combine the two and yo' best run, Wikus!)

7. Babies, regardless of whether they are terrestrial or not, are always adorable.


8. If you want to eat other people's body parts bad things will happen to your brain. (Typically from developing a case of prion disease, but in this case from having explodie bits entering it at high speeds.)

9. It is darn near impossible to get good fast food service. (This is in no way intentionally related to #8.)

and...

10. That people are cruel and ignorant to those who do not fit the concepts they are willing to understand, and by extension the more "alien" they are forced to become the more "humanity" they gain.


(I know. I'm deep like that, dudes.)


Watch the movie. It was awesome for all the reasons I wasn't expecting as well as all the ways I was.

Hope you're not squeamish.

*Note: The first two pics are poorer quality because I screen captured them off a Youtube video.
I'm just hardcore like that.

Friday, August 14, 2009

"Bad" Habit

I haven't really been feeling up to snuff the last few days... whatever that means, and I'm not proud, but I've allowed myself to relapse into some less than helpful habits. I didn't plan to do it. I was just driving back from the apartment to the new house, still quite stressed out by how much stuff I still have to move, when the thought popped into my head: Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to pick up something to take the edge off. I convinced myself a short detour wouldn't hurt anything; I probably wouldn't actually get anything anyway.

Next thing I know I'm back in the car harboring a mixture of happiness and disappointment over my lack of willpower. As I wormed my way through the ridiculous after work traffic I could feel my fingers start to twitch, wanting to rip open the lovely green bag tucked neatly and discretely into my knapsack.
I realize that with all the things that have to be done by the end of this month now is really not the time to waste and God knows I didn't need to spend the money, but I'm only human.


Besides... the paperbacks were buy one get one half off and I had a special savers coupon.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tiny Things

It's strange, really, how little it takes.

It's not always some grand gesture of the universe that sends you shrinking, trying to understand why you can all of a sudden feel the backs of your own eye sockets. In my experience the culprit is usually without question something minute, that any other day would have been shrugged off and left forgotten, but for some reason , on this particular day, the vulnerability is there to allow that one tiny thing to tunnel its way into your synapses, tugging at the wires until it has successfully made its self the only thing you can focus on.

Before long it releases its hold on your core just enough to give all the other little things a chance to lower themselves down upon your chest as well. All the little things that formed that opening, that vulnerability, in the first place. A thousand tiny, tiny things.

Monday, August 10, 2009

10 Things That Make Me Happy


The way pillows feel after a long day.

Graphite under my fingernails.

My nephews pulling at my arms.

Poorly made horror movies by people who knew they were making poorly made horror movies.

Poorly made horror movies by people who didn't know they were making poorly made horror movies.

Taking photographs.

The smell of rain on a muggy day.

My new, little hamster friend up there in the corner.

People who smile awkwardly when they're nervous.

and finally

....

While searching for an image to properly demonstrate the concept of  "sad" I realized that  pictures of crying babies make me unbelievably happy.




*the above image was found on stock.xchng, a great site to find free stock images if your conscience is getting tired of stealing copyrighted ones from Google Image Search.

You know who you are. :)  

This one is from user thiquinho.



Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Nikki's birthday was last week and since neither Megan or myself could come see her then we all met up yesterday for pizza and movies. Only Megan had some things to take care of so she left the trip to Blockbuster up to Nikki and me. Bad move, friendo. After about an hour of debate we left with three titles:

The Good:

El Orfanato (The Orphanage) - I've been meaning to watch this one for a while and it turned out to be really good. I officially get why Bloody Disgusting called it a feel good horror movie. It was really enjoyable and had that old horror feel, where the need isn't felt to just unleash a fire hose of blood and gore on the audience. Nothing against that really, just sometimes it's nice to have a little, you know, plot? Also, the visuals are great. The kind of movie where you just want to stop and look around for a moment. Don't let the fact that it's completely in Spanish stop anyone from seeing it. That's why God invented subtitles and the acting is so well done you'll sort of forget about that anyway. I completely recommend it. This movie is a genuinely creepy ghost story that at times is down right beautiful.

The Bad:

Toybox - Don't do it, kids. When my friends insisted on watching it through to the end I had to leave for a few minutes and check my email. Otherwise, my head may very well have caved in. All these little seeds of plot, going in a thousand different directions, there has to be a point, there just has to be, this is all going to make sense any minute now it's all going to add up.... any minute.... any....

Nope. Never did. And let me say, I love bad horror movies, but there are two types of really bad horror movies. The kind where you can giggle yourself into a state of uncontrolled muscle spasm and the kind where you are just sort of left staring at a blank screen asking why Jesus would let something so stupid exist. This is the latter. Just don't. You probably never would have, but let me tell you now. Don't.


The Ugly:


The Gingerdead Man - Gary Busey. That's all I needed to know. I didn't even realize that instead of the gingerbread man it was in fact the gingerdead man until Nikki and I got back to Megan's house. Blatantly stealing from Child's Play this thing is a pile of crap, but they knew it. Unlike Toybox, this thing never intended to be something it was not. It was suppossed to be horrible. The killer is a 12 inch tall Gingerbread cookie with the voice stylings of Gary Busey. It succeeded, complete with stupid kid who accidently releases ancient curse, drunken "mama" stock character, people trying to fix the power outtage when the lights are obviously on whereas the flashlights are obviously off, and a whip cream body suit complete with cherry pasties. I suggest watching it with friends. It's worth the two bucks from Blockbuster if you enjoy that sort of thing.



I think I'm going to go wake them up now, their sleepyness is way less important than my loneliness and I'm bored.

Bye Bye.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Picture Blog: New House; Old Friends

Yesterday my friends Megan and Rachel came to Tampa to sort of "deflower" the new house. Rather than write a long winded account of the day, I figured I'd just post these instead:


The David Bowie belt that I gave Megan.

The charm set that I gave Rachel.


Bowling:
Not a bad start for my first real bowling experience. Who says video games are useless?



And then out to dinner at Moe's:

Yum. Yum.

After that, we went to rock some Q-ZAR laser tag, but alas, no photos of us in our super cute neon green vibrator packs and gear.



...but trust me: It was good. :)

Fin.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

10 Things That Make Me Sad


Commercials for the ASPCA.

When the person sitting next to me comes back from break smelling like cigarettes.

That Megan and Nikki no longer allow me to choose movies for us to watch because they believe my judgement to be deeply and horrifically compromised.

That people find it so weird that I don't drink.

When *certain* people are systematically rude without provocation.

That Reaper was cancelled while Degrassi is getting it's own ABC Family original movie.

That there's such a huge age gap between me and my siblings.

That chocolate is fattening.

That Sci Fi changed their name to SyFy.

That I'm still awake.


Next list... 10 Things That Make Me Happy.

Stay Tuned.

Or check back later.... whatever works best for you.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

About Life Mechanical


What is "Life Mechanical"?

The name: A random scribble-thought made at 4am in my collage notebook. Yes, I own such a thing. No, it's not as cool as it sounds.

The blog: Dribble. What are you even doing here?


What is "Irish Chick Soup"?

The name: A moniker hard earned from an inside joke poorly formed between two young leprechauns in an empty pizza palour after an unfortunate giggle fit during a class reading of Johnathon Swift's A Modest Proposal.

The Person: Graphic Design student who gets bored and writes dribble for random strangers to read/not read as the soda cans slowly begin to pile up around her. She DOES NOT know what she's doing or why she's typing about it in third person.

Mission Statement:

I'll let you know as soon as I get one of those.

*

I'd Be More Offended If It Wasn't True...




East Coast, West Coast. Pfft.

Gulf of Mexico, Sucka.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I Want Him.



Dearest Meg,

As I'm sure that you are aware, the deflowering of the new house/triple birthday party is this coming Thursday. Names have been drawn and you, having baked the cake last time, need to get me a lil' somethin' somethin'. Especially since you skipped out on Christmas without me so much as saying a peep. (Okay, so there was a little peeping, but it didn't get me anywhere.)

I know, I know. I'm not easy to buy for.  If there was only some way that I could give you an obnoxiously obvious hint, the kind you've been begging me for over the course of our thirteen years of friendship, thirteen years of giving you some pretty freakin' A presents I might add... but how to deliver such a hint? 

Think, Kaylynn, think!

P.S. Feel free to make Rachel go in halfsies.

*the photo of the little guy above comes from dancesippydance's Etsy page. I know what you're thinking and, yes, he does have a brother.

State Changes


When I was a wee young'un I would take ice cubes in the palms of my hands and hold them under warm water. Why?

'Cause I was weird. Lay off. It was that or drugs, okay?

Anyway, this is going to be my new journal home. I may transfer some of my old posts over, maybe not. Haven't really decided yet. I felt like it was time for a new start, you know? My old blog felt a little stale and a bit like I was letting too much effect what I did and didn't say on it, which lead to me not writing anything on it for about two months, and that just won't do so... meh. 

That is all, friendos. Come back soon, ya' hear.
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