I wasn't spawned from a computer, just raised by one.



Saturday, August 22, 2009

My Mother...

She's coming to Tampa today to help me finish cleaning out the apartment since my lease is up on the 31st.

This was the closing to an actual conversation with my maternal figure:

Mom: I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.

Me: I love you, too, Mom.

Mom: Is Megan [my roommate] there?

Me: Nope.

Mom: So you're at the house by yourself?

Me: Yep. [Note the monosyllabism. I'm distracted by soup.]

Mom: You feel safe there by yourself?

Me: Sure.

Mom: That's good. (pause) Did you hear about that guy that was murdered?

Me: What?

Mom: Up by the campus. These two guys were stopped by another man who pulled a gun on them and when one of them ran he shot the other one and robbed him.

Me: No, I hadn't heard.

Mom: It was in the newspaper. It happened right by the campus. Not too far from where you are. I'm surprised you didn't hear.

Me: Is the man alright?

Mom: No. He's dead. He didn't shoot the guy who ran. Just the one who stood there. Sort of silly since the other guy had a good description of the robber.

Me: (deciding not to comment on my mother's definition of the word "silly") Oh. So they've caught him?

Mom: No. He's still out there. (another pause) This is why you should have your puppies there with you. To wake you up.

Me: Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

Mom: See you tomorrow. I love you.

Me: I love you, too. Bye.

Mom: Okay, I love you. Be safe.

Me: I will.

Mom: Get some sleep. I love you.

Me: I love you, too, Mom.

7 comments:

  1. Bwahaha. Your mom is hilarious. Your mom: "Oh so you feel safe? Hmmm, that's not good. Let give you some information that will surely keep you up at night."

    ReplyDelete
  2. nice. see... my mom does the same thing to me. still. and i'm married. with kids!

    except our conversations lately are more like...
    mom: are you heating things in the microwave?
    me: yes.
    mom: don't heat stuff in plastic containers. you'll get cancer.
    me: i like plastic containers.
    mom: don't stand in front of the microwave. you'll get radiation.
    me: i'm jumping up and down in front of it now.
    mom: where are the girls?
    me: waiting for their food.
    mom: are you heating things in a plastic container?
    (and then repeat)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ahh! that sounds like a conversation my mom and I would have! thanks ma, for ruining that wonderful "safe" feeling I USED to have!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Geez. My mom used to just tell me if I pouted then an eagle would fly overhead and poop on it.

    ReplyDelete

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