I wasn't spawned from a computer, just raised by one.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Nikki's birthday was last week and since neither Megan or myself could come see her then we all met up yesterday for pizza and movies. Only Megan had some things to take care of so she left the trip to Blockbuster up to Nikki and me. Bad move, friendo. After about an hour of debate we left with three titles:

The Good:

El Orfanato (The Orphanage) - I've been meaning to watch this one for a while and it turned out to be really good. I officially get why Bloody Disgusting called it a feel good horror movie. It was really enjoyable and had that old horror feel, where the need isn't felt to just unleash a fire hose of blood and gore on the audience. Nothing against that really, just sometimes it's nice to have a little, you know, plot? Also, the visuals are great. The kind of movie where you just want to stop and look around for a moment. Don't let the fact that it's completely in Spanish stop anyone from seeing it. That's why God invented subtitles and the acting is so well done you'll sort of forget about that anyway. I completely recommend it. This movie is a genuinely creepy ghost story that at times is down right beautiful.

The Bad:

Toybox - Don't do it, kids. When my friends insisted on watching it through to the end I had to leave for a few minutes and check my email. Otherwise, my head may very well have caved in. All these little seeds of plot, going in a thousand different directions, there has to be a point, there just has to be, this is all going to make sense any minute now it's all going to add up.... any minute.... any....

Nope. Never did. And let me say, I love bad horror movies, but there are two types of really bad horror movies. The kind where you can giggle yourself into a state of uncontrolled muscle spasm and the kind where you are just sort of left staring at a blank screen asking why Jesus would let something so stupid exist. This is the latter. Just don't. You probably never would have, but let me tell you now. Don't.

The Ugly:

The Gingerdead Man - Gary Busey. That's all I needed to know. I didn't even realize that instead of the gingerbread man it was in fact the gingerdead man until Nikki and I got back to Megan's house. Blatantly stealing from Child's Play this thing is a pile of crap, but they knew it. Unlike Toybox, this thing never intended to be something it was not. It was suppossed to be horrible. The killer is a 12 inch tall Gingerbread cookie with the voice stylings of Gary Busey. It succeeded, complete with stupid kid who accidently releases ancient curse, drunken "mama" stock character, people trying to fix the power outtage when the lights are obviously on whereas the flashlights are obviously off, and a whip cream body suit complete with cherry pasties. I suggest watching it with friends. It's worth the two bucks from Blockbuster if you enjoy that sort of thing.

I think I'm going to go wake them up now, their sleepyness is way less important than my loneliness and I'm bored.

Bye Bye.


  1. El Orfanato is a really beautiful movie! If you liked this one you should try getting hold of The Devil's Backbone by Guillermo Del Toro. That's also a really beautiful ghost story. (also in spanish)

  2. great post! Thanks for writing about El Orfanato (The Orphanage), I have been wanting to watch it, but always been to much of a chicken! :)

  3. Wow...don't stare into his eyes too long, for he will rob you of your soul and empty your bowels...hahahah!

  4. i didn't notice that either about gingerdead man...guess yr mind automatically thinks gingerbread at one quick glance. omg, it's busey!?? ha ha ha...that is a must see though it sounds so insane!

    btw: do you have facebook? i'm eve noir there. just a fyi!


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