She offered to give me a free ride on her crazy train headed directly for "World Domination".
I did not laugh as she accused. Or snarf coffee for that matter. Mostly, because I hate coffee. If it's not in it's ice cream form I simply will not touch it. I am much more the tea drinker as the picture below clearly illustrates:
The horrors that years of hard internet abuse can inflict upon the complexion. And to think this is my senior photo.
I was intrigued. Mostly because of the perks, but nonetheless. If you seriously want my cooperation, Ms. Kane, we have some renegotiating to do. I am a highly sought after henchwoman, after all.
You offered me my own personal Caribbean island. Not bad, but as you could probably ascertain by my screen name I am of Irish descent. If you need a visual, here is a picture of me in Italy... after one day:
I would show you Day 2, but by that time I had disintegrated into a pile of molten ash.
So instead I would like the far more temperate [read: whitie friendly] Canary Islands:
All of them. Pre de-touristed, if you please. I will also need a copy of Rosetta Stone in Spanish, please and thank you.
As to your other promises, the cute men feeding me grapes can stay, I guess.
Also, I don't drink, but I will be needing those cute little umbrellas and some of those plastic swords if you can scare any up.
Always know your worth. ;)
That will be all. For now.