I wasn't spawned from a computer, just raised by one.



Sunday, December 21, 2008

Death or Glory

"...From every dingy basement on every dingy street

I hear every dragging handclap over every dragging beat

That's just the beat of time-the beat that must go on

If you been trying for years-then we already heard your song...

How death or glory becomes just another story..."

"Death or Glory" by The Clash (but I must say I love Social
Distortion's version)


Blargh.

I don't know I guess I always expected something different, something more. Like once I got "out of the house" that I'd feel...better.

What I feel is awkward and scared. Have I made the right decisions? Do my decisions even matter anyway? If I was still in high school then I would be halfway through "the school year", a period of time that had previously always seemed distant, unattainable. My days counted out in tally marks on a prison wall. All the other years it took what felt like years to get to Christmas vacation, this year it took seconds. After all, I just graduated seven months ago yesterday.

Everyone always talks about how the moment high school is over everything starts moving at light speed, the years just melt into one another until you have no idea where the time went. I thought it was an exaggeration, some bullshit that parent's tell their children to scare them into enjoying the time that they felt they personally squandered...it's not. And what have I done with mine?

I feel the itching in my skin, my fingers twitch, I can barely keep my legs still. From anticipation? Maybe. From anxiety? Definitely. I can feel this need building up inside of me, but I don't know what it's for.

6 comments:

  1. I think that the transition after high school into "the real world" is a scary one for everyone! I'm sure you will make the right decisions for you.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  3. It's definitely not parent BS (I thought the same thing). It doesn't slow down either. I'm about to graduate college in May and I can't believe a university is going to let me out into the real world. It's very surreal.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I LOVED this post.

    Listen, all of our decisions are Good ones. They make us who we are. Our paths are twisted, scary, wonderful and exciting all at once. Be at peace with where you are. You won't be there long....

    ReplyDelete
  5. I never really felt like I made the transition until about 3 years after I gradutated. I was married and living in HI...and my husband was in Iraq...and I was alone, finally faced with what I wanted to do.

    I say stick with what you are doing, unless you wholehearted feel the need to do something else.

    It sucks when grown up are right, doesn't it ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think when a person leaves high school they do go through a real "self searching" and scary time. Im even still going through a little of that at 28.

    All you can do is be true to yourself and make good decisions...of course ALOT of your decisions may be wrong..but alot may be right. Just keep moving forward, everything WILL be ok.

    *big hugs*

    ReplyDelete

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